Memory Defines Me

One cannot have a concept of self without their memory. The sum of memories make up who a person believes they are. In particular, memories of traumatic events may shape a person’s identity in a more dramatic way than more pleasant memories.
At the age of thirteen I experienced two very traumatic events. Because these events were so similar and happened just a few months apart, and because of my young age, I had a hard time processing the trauma. Instead, I believed there was something inherently wrong with me, and I needed to be punished for what I allowed to happen. I didn’t think about the events, just escaping them.
A few years later, when I told someone about the trauma and faced it for the first time, the memory of the events became so clear, I could no longer block them out. Instead, they invaded every thought, every action, and completely altered the way I viewed myself. When I would have the invading memories, I could see the faces of the perpetrators, hear their voices; harsh and mocking, the music outside and my pointless cries, I could smell my own fear and the alcohol on their breath, and feel the physical pain, sickness and helplessness. I could not escape the memories, and defined myself based on those memories. I selected other memories from my past to confirm my identity, ignoring others that contradicted that identity. I was bad, disgusting, and worthless. My entire sense of self was, and is, defined by something most people would say was out of my control.
Identity is not just based on memories, but rather interpretation of memories and the importance you allow them to have in your life. Allowing a few memories to define you skews your concept of self; you define yourself based on limited experiences, not an accumulation of memories.
Posted by Lindsay Ash